Quotes by Mark Twain

I have been studying the traits and dispositions of the lower animals (so called) and contrasting them with the traits and dispositions of man. I find the result humiliating to me.
– Mark Twain
I have found out that there ain't no surer way to find out whether you like people or hate them than to travel with them.
– Mark Twain
I have made it a rule never to smoke more that one cigar at a time.
– Mark Twain
I have no color prejudices nor caste prejudices nor creed prejudices. All I care to know is that a man is a human being, and that is enough for me; he can't be any worse.
– Mark Twain
I make it a rule never to smoke while I'm sleeping.
– Mark Twain
I must have a prodigious quantity of mind; it takes me as much as a week sometimes to make it up.
– Mark Twain
I never let schooling interfere with my education.
– Mark Twain
I once sent a dozen of my friends a telegram saying 'flee at once - all is discovered.' They all left town immediately.
– Mark Twain
I think a compliment ought to always precede a complaint, where one is possible, because it softens resentment and insures for the complaint a courteous and gentle reception.
– Mark Twain
I was gratified to be able to answer promptly, and I did. I said I didn't know.
– Mark Twain
Ideally a book would have no order to it, and the reader would have to discover his own.
– Mark Twain
If animals could speak, the dog would be a blundering outspoken fellow; but the cat would have the rare grace of never saying a word too much.
– Mark Twain
If man could be crossed with the cat, it would improve man but deteriorate the cat.
– Mark Twain
If to be interesting is to be uncommonplace, it is becoming a question, with me, if there are any commonplace people.
– Mark Twain
If you pick up a starving dog and make him prosperous, he will not bite you. That is the difference between dog and man.
– Mark Twain
Ignorant people think it is the noise which fighting cats make that is so aggravating, but it ain't so; it is the sickening grammar that they use.
– Mark Twain
In a museum in Havana there are two skulls of Christopher Columbus, one when he was a boy and one when he was a man.
– Mark Twain
In Boston they ask, how much does he know? In New York, how much is he worth? In Philadelphia, who were his parents?
– Mark Twain
In certain trying circumstances, urgent circumstances, desperate circumstances, profanity furnishes a relief denied even to prayer.
– Mark Twain
In India, cold weather is merely a conventional phrase and has come into use through the necessity of having some way to distinguish between weather which will melt a brass door-knob and weather which will only make it mushy.
– Mark Twain