Quotes by P. G. Wodehouse

Every author really wants to have letters printed in the papers. Unable to make the grade, he drops down a rung of the ladder and writes novels.
– P. G. Wodehouse
Few of them were to be trusted within reach of a trowel and a pile of bricks.
– P. G. Wodehouse
Flowers are happy things.
– P. G. Wodehouse
Golf... is the infallible test. The man who can go into a patch of rough alone, with the knowledge that only God is watching him, and play his ball where it lies, is the man who will serve you faithfully and well.
– P. G. Wodehouse
Has anybody ever seen a dramatic critic in the daytime? Of course not. They come out after dark, up to no good.
– P. G. Wodehouse
He was built on large lines, and seemed to fill the room to overflowing. In physique he was not unlike what Primo Carnera would have been if Carnera hadn't stunted his growth by smoking cigarettes when a boy.
– P. G. Wodehouse
He was white and shaken, like a dry martini.
– P. G. Wodehouse
I could see that, if not actually disgruntled, he was far from being gruntled.
– P. G. Wodehouse
I just sit at a typewriter and curse a bit.
– P. G. Wodehouse
Madeleine Basset laughed the tinkling, silvery laugh that had got her so disliked by the better element.
– P. G. Wodehouse
Marriage isn't a process of prolonging the life of love, but of mummifying the corpse.
– P. G. Wodehouse
Psmith is the only thing in my literary career which was handed to me on a plate with watercress round it, thus enabling me to avoid the blood, sweat and tears inseparable from an author's life.
– P. G. Wodehouse
She had a penetrating sort of laugh. Rather like a train going into a tunnel.
– P. G. Wodehouse
She looked as if she had been poured into her clothes and had forgotten to say when.
– P. G. Wodehouse
Success comes to a writer as a rule, so gradually that it is always something of a shock to him to look back and realize the heights to which he has climbed.
– P. G. Wodehouse
The Bishop was talking to the local Master of Hounds about the difficulty he had in keeping his vicars off the incense.
– P. G. Wodehouse
The least thing upset him on the links. He missed short putts because of the uproar of the butterflies in the adjoining meadows.
– P. G. Wodehouse
There is only one cure for gray hair. It was invented by a Frenchman. It is called the guillotine.
– P. G. Wodehouse
To my daughter Leonora without whose never-failing sympathy and encouragement this book would have been finished in half the time.
– P. G. Wodehouse
Why don't you get a haircut? You look like a chrysanthemum.
– P. G. Wodehouse
A man's subconscious self is not the ideal companion. It lurks for the greater part of his life in some dark den of its own, hidden away, and emerges only to taunt and deride and increase the misery of a miserable hour.
– P. G. Wodehouse
At the age of eleven or thereabouts women acquire a poise and an ability to handle difficult situations which a man, if he is lucky, manages to achieve somewhere in the later seventies.
– P. G. Wodehouse
Boyhood, like measles, is one of those complaints which a man should catch young and have done with, for when it comes in middle life it is apt to be serious.
– P. G. Wodehouse
Sudden success in golf is like the sudden acquisition of wealth. It is apt to unsettle and deteriorate the character.
– P. G. Wodehouse
Memories are like mulligatawny soup in a cheap restaurant. It is best not to stir them.
– P. G. Wodehouse
It was my Uncle George who discovered that alcohol was a food well in advance of modern medical thought.
– P. G. Wodehouse