Quotes by Russell Baker

A group of politicians deciding to dump a President because his morals are bad is like the Mafia getting together to bump off the Godfather for not going to church on Sunday.
– Russell Baker
A new star with a tremendous national appeal, the skill of a consummate showman.
– Russell Baker
A railroad station? That was sort of a primitive airport, only you didn't have to take a cab 20 miles out of town to reach it.
– Russell Baker
Ah, summer, what power you have to make us suffer and like it.
– Russell Baker
Americans like fat books and thin women.
– Russell Baker
An educated person is one who has learned that information almost always turns out to be at best incomplete and very often false, misleading, fictitious, mendacious - just dead wrong.
– Russell Baker
Anticipating that most poetry will be worse than carrying heavy luggage through O'Hare Airport, the public, to its loss, reads very little of it.
– Russell Baker
Caution: These verses may be hazardous to your solemnity.
– Russell Baker
Disguises thinner than a Chicago stripteaser's work clothes.
– Russell Baker
Don't try to make children grow up to be like you, or they may do it.
– Russell Baker
I gave up on new poetry myself thirty years ago, when most of it began to read like coded messages passing between lonely aliens on a hostile world.
– Russell Baker
I was converted from fool when my spine was somewhat reorganized. What amazed me was how fast a perfectly robust man looking forward to nothing more terminal than a night in Toledo can cease being alive once he pulls the dreamboat out of the driveway.
– Russell Baker
In America, it is sport that is the opiate of the masses.
– Russell Baker
In an age when the fashion is to be in love with yourself, confessing to be in love with somebody else is an admission of unfaithfulness to one's beloved.
– Russell Baker
It was dramatic to watch my grandmother decapitate a turkey with an ax the day before Thanksgiving. Nowadays the expense of hiring grandmothers for the ax work would probably qualify all turkeys so honored with gourmet status.
– Russell Baker
Life is always walking up to us and saying, Come on in, the living's fine, and what do we do? Back off and take its picture.
– Russell Baker
Live by publicity, you'll probably die by publicity.
– Russell Baker
Misery no longer loves company. Nowadays it insists on it.
– Russell Baker
People seem to enjoy things more when they know a lot of other people have been left out of the pleasure.
– Russell Baker
People who say you're just as old as you feel are all wrong, fortunately.
– Russell Baker