Love is not the dying moan of a distant violin - it's the triumphant twang of a bedspring.
– S. J. Perelman
Learning is what most adults will do for a living in the 21st century.
– S. J. Perelman
Their [the waiters'] eyes sparkled and their pencils flew as she proceeded to eviscerate my wallet - pâté, Whitstable oysters, a sole, filet mignon, and a favorite salad of the Nizam of Hyderabad made of shredded five-pound notes.
– S. J. Perelman
He bit his lip in a manner which immediately awakened my maternal sympathy, and I helped him bite it.