Quotes by W. C. Fields


It ain't what they call you, it's what you answer to.
– W. C. Fields
A rich man is nothing but a poor man with money.
– W. C. Fields
A woman drove me to drink and I didn't even have the decency to thank her.
– W. C. Fields
Abstaining is favorable both to the head and the pocket.
– W. C. Fields
Always carry a flagon of whiskey in case of snakebite and furthermore always carry a small snake.
– W. C. Fields
Anyone who hates children and animals can't be all bad.
– W. C. Fields
Attitude is more important than the past, than education, than money, than circumstances, than what people do or say. It is more important than appearance, giftedness, or skill.
– W. C. Fields
Here lies W. C. Fields. I would rather be living in Philadelphia.
– W. C. Fields
Horse sense is the thing a horse has which keeps it from betting on people.
– W. C. Fields
I am an expert of electricity. My father occupied the chair of applied electricity at the state prison.
– W. C. Fields
I cook with wine, sometimes I even add it to the food.
– W. C. Fields
I drink therefore I am.
– W. C. Fields
I hear the tusks are looser in Alabama.
– W. C. Fields
I like children - fried.
– W. C. Fields
I never drink water because of the disgusting things that fish do in it.
– W. C. Fields
I never drink water; that is the stuff that rusts pipes.
– W. C. Fields
I never drink water. I'm afraid it will become habit-forming.
– W. C. Fields
I never met a kid I liked.
– W. C. Fields
I once spent a year in Philadelphia, I think it was on a Sunday.
– W. C. Fields
If at first you don't succeed, try, try again. Then quit. There's no point in being a damn fool about it.
– W. C. Fields