Quotes by Woody Allen

More than any other time in history, mankind faces a crossroads. One path leads to despair and utter hopelessness. The other, to total extinction. Let us pray we have the wisdom to choose correctly.
– Woody Allen
Most of the time I don't have much fun. The rest of the time I don't have any fun at all.
– Woody Allen
My luck is getting worse and worse. Last night, for instance, I was mugged by a quaker.
– Woody Allen
My one regret in life is that I am not someone else.
– Woody Allen
Nietzsche says that we will live the same life, over and over again. God - I'll have to sit through the Ice Capades again.
– Woody Allen
Of all the wonders of nature, a tree in summer is perhaps the most remarkable; with the possible exception of a moose singing ''Embraceable You'' in spats.
– Woody Allen
Remember, if you smoke after sex you're doing it too fast.
– Woody Allen
Seventy percent of success in life is showing up.
– Woody Allen
Sex between 2 people is a beautiful thing; between 5 it's fantastic.
– Woody Allen
Sex between a man and a woman can be absolutely wonderful - provided you get between the right man and the right woman.
– Woody Allen
Sex is like having dinner: sometimes you joke about the dishes, sometimes you take the meal seriously.
– Woody Allen
Sex is the most fun you can have without laughing.
– Woody Allen
Sex without love is an empty experience, but as empty experiences go it's one of the best.
– Woody Allen
She wore a short skirt and a tight sweater and her figure described a set of parabolas that could cause cardiac arrest in a yak.
– Woody Allen
Some guy hit my fender, and I told him, 'Be fruitful and multiply,' but not in those words.
– Woody Allen
Students achieving Oneness will move on to Twoness.
– Woody Allen
The baby is fine, the only problem is that he looks like Edward G. Robinson.
– Woody Allen
The chief problem about death, incidentally, is the fear that there may be no afterlife-a depressing thought, particularly for those who have bothered to shave. Also, there is the fear that there is an afterlife but no one will know where it's being held.
– Woody Allen
The curtain rises on a vast primitive wasteland, not unlike certain parts of New jersey.
– Woody Allen
The difference between sex and death is that with death you can do it alone and no one is going to make fun of you.
– Woody Allen