Homer Simpson Quotations
I didn't lie! I was writing fiction with my mouth.
How is education supposed to make me feel smarter? Besides, every time I learn something new, it pushes some old stuff out of my brain. Remember when I took that home winemaking course, and I forgot how to drive?
Homer: There's your giraffe, little girl.
Ralph Wiggum: I'm a boy.
Homer: That's the spirit. Never give up.
Homer: Weaseling out of things is important to learn. It's what separates us from the animals ... except the weasel.
Marge: Homer, the plant called. They said if you don't show up tomorrow don't bother showing up on Monday.
Homer: Woo-hoo. Four-day weekend.
Marge: This is the worst thing you've ever done.
Homer: You say that so often that it lost its meaning.
You don't like your job, you don't strike. You go in every day and do it really half-assed. That's the American way.
It's true, I'm a Rageaholic.....I just can't live without Rageahol!
Lisa, Vampires are make-believe, like elves, gremlins, and eskimos.
I like my beer cold, my TV loud and my homosexuals flaming.
Marge: This is the worst thing you've ever done.
Homer: You say that so often that it lost its meaning.
Marge: Homer, you don't have to pray outloud.
Homer: But he's way the hell up there!
Bart: Geez Homer, you sure do suck tonight.
Homer: Yeah, suck like a fox!
Getting out of jury duty is easy. The trick is to say you're prejudiced against all races.
Facts are meaningless. You could use facts to prove anything that's even remotely true!
Oh, so they have internet on computers now!
Bart: I smell a museum.
Homer: Yeah, good things don't end with 'eum,' they end with 'mania' or 'teria.'
The lesson is: Our God is vengeful! O spiteful one, show me who to smite and they shall be smoten.
Bart, with $10,000, we'd be millionaires! We could buy all kinds of useful things like...love!
Marge, I'm going to miss you so much. And it's not just the sex. It's also the food preparation.
I feel that if a gun is good enough to protect something as important as a bar, then its good enough to protect my family.
I've learned that life is one crushing defeat after another until you just wish Flanders was dead.
Oh, everything looks bad if you remember it.
If he's so smart, how come he's dead?
Then we figured out we could just park them in front of the TV. That's how I was raised and I turned out TV.
Lisa: I still believe in protecting animal's rights, but that still doesn't excuse what I did. I'm sorry for wrecking your barbecue, dad.
Homer: That's okay, honey. I used to believe in things too.
The problem in the world today is communication. Too much communication.
Trying is the first step towards failure.
Well, I'm tired of being a wannabe league bowler. I wanna be a league bowler!
All my life I've had one dream, to achieve my many goals.
First you don't want me to get the pony, then you want me to take it back. Make up your mind.
God bless those pagans.
I belive children are the future... which is why they must be stopped now!
I don't have to be careful, I've got a gun.
I may occasionally kill out of anger; or to illustrate a point, but I'm no Grim Reaper!
Little lady, get in here! In this house we obey the laws of thermodynamics.
Marge, what's wrong? Are you hungry? Sleepy? Gassy? Gassy? Is it gas? It's gas, isn't it?
Please don't eat me! I have a wife and kids. Eat them! [Meeting Aliens]