Quotes by Mark Twain

In statesmanship get the formalities right, never mind about the moralities.
– Mark Twain
In the real world, nothing happens at the right place at the right time. It is the job of journalists and historians to correct that.
– Mark Twain
In the Spring, I have counted 136 different kinds of weather inside of 24 hours.
– Mark Twain
India has 2,000,000 gods, and worships them all. In religion, other countries are paupers; India is the only millionaire.
– Mark Twain
It ain't those parts of the Bible that I can't understand that bother me, it is the parts that I do understand.
– Mark Twain
It ain't what you don't know that gets you into trouble. It's what you know for sure that just ain't so.
– Mark Twain
It could probably be shown by facts and figures that there is no distinctly native criminal class except Congress.
– Mark Twain
It is better to take what does not belong to you than to let it lie around neglected.
– Mark Twain
It is hopeless for the occasional visitor to try to keep up with Chicago-she outgrows his prophecies faster than he can make them. She is always a novelty; for she is never the Chicago you saw when you passed through the last time.
– Mark Twain
It is just like man's vanity and impertinence to call an animal dumb because it is dumb to his dull perceptions.
– Mark Twain
It is not best that we should all think alike; it is a difference of opinion that makes horse races.
– Mark Twain
It used to take me all vacation to grow a new hide in place of the one they flogged off me during school term.
– Mark Twain
It usually takes me more than three weeks to prepare a good impromptu speech.
– Mark Twain
It's good sportsmanship to not pick up lost golf balls while they are still rolling.
– Mark Twain
It's no wonder that truth is stranger than fiction. Fiction has to make sense.
– Mark Twain
It's not the size of the dog in the fight, it's the size of the fight in the dog.
– Mark Twain
Kindness is the language which the deaf can hear and the blind can see.
– Mark Twain
Last week I stated that this woman was the ugliest woman I had ever seen. I have since been visited by her sister and now wish to withdraw that statement.
– Mark Twain
Laws control the lesser man... Right conduct controls the greater one.
– Mark Twain
Let us live so that when we come to die even the undertaker will be sorry.
– Mark Twain