Quotes by Bill Maher

A group of Cuban Americans denounced the Castro government as a fascist regime that monitors and scrutinized its citizens' everyday existence. And then they excused themselves to go watch Big Brother.
– Bill Maher
A lot of good has come from drugs. I think 'Penny Lane' is worth 10 dead kids. Dark Side of the Moon is worth 100 dead kids. Because a lot of kids wouldn't even be born if it weren't for that album, so it evens out.
– Bill Maher
Apparently Bob Dole's new election strategy is to find a Republican policy so stupid, even Clinton won't copy it.
– Bill Maher
Clinton left the White House with all the class of an XFL halftime show.
– Bill Maher
Doctors said that the test most commonly used to screen for colon cancer doesn't go far enough. They're recommending a procedure that involves photographing the entire colon. I say, don't vie CBS an idea for another reality show.
– Bill Maher
Everything that used to be a sin is now a disease.
– Bill Maher
George Bush says, 'Gore's book needs a lot of explaining.' Of course, Bush says that about every book.
– Bill Maher
I have a high state of resentment for the conformity in this country. If you're not married and having children, it's like your life is empty or you're a communist meanie.
– Bill Maher
I mean, I think, Iraqis, I think, feel that if we drove smaller cars, maybe we wouldn't have to kill them for their oil.
– Bill Maher
I think flying planes into a building was a faith-based initiative. I think religion is a neurological disorder.
– Bill Maher
Iraq now says that it will, after all, destroy its missiles. President Bush said, 'Please, I used to pull the same trick. There'd be an intervention, I'd make a big show of pouring out the liquor and then there was a case under the floorboards.'
– Bill Maher
It's all been satirized for your protection.
– Bill Maher
Jim Bakker spells his name with two k's because three would be too obvious.
– Bill Maher
Kids. They're not easy. But there has to be some penalty for sex.
– Bill Maher
Let's make a law that gay people can have birthdays, but straight people get more cake - you know, to send the right message to kids.
– Bill Maher
Maybe every other American movie shouldn't be based on a comic book. Other countries will think Americans live in an infantile fantasy land where reality is whatever we say it is and every problem can be solved with violence.
– Bill Maher
Men are only as loyal as their options.
– Bill Maher
President Bush is supporting Arnold but a lot of Republicans are not, because he is actually quite liberal. Karl Rove said if his father wasn't a Nazi, he wouldn't have any credibility with conservatives at all.
– Bill Maher
Suicide is man's way of telling God, You can't fire me - I quit.
– Bill Maher
The Bible looks like it started out as a game of Mad Libs.
– Bill Maher