Quotes by Jeff Foxworthy

Did you know babies are nauseated by the smell of a clean shirt?
– Jeff Foxworthy
I have never been jealous. Not even when my dad finished fifth grade a year before I did.
– Jeff Foxworthy
If you ever start feeling like you have the goofiest, craziest, most dysfunctional family in the world, all you have to do is go to a state fair. Because five minutes at the fair, you'll be going, 'you know, we're alright. We are dang near royalty.'
– Jeff Foxworthy
If you own a home with wheels on it and several cars without, you just might be a redneck.
– Jeff Foxworthy
If you've ever made change in the offering plate, you might be a redneck.
– Jeff Foxworthy
The problem with the designated driver program, it's not a desirable job, but if you ever get sucked into doing it, have fun with it. At the end of the night, drop them off at the wrong house.
– Jeff Foxworthy
Watching a baby being born is a little like watching a wet St. Bernard coming in through the cat door.
– Jeff Foxworthy
You moon the wrong person at an office party and suddenly you're not 'professional' any more.
– Jeff Foxworthy
You may be a redneck if... you have spent more on your pickup truck than on your education.
– Jeff Foxworthy
That's the great thing about a tractor. You can't really hear the phone ring.
– Jeff Foxworthy
Nothing in life prepares you to be famous.
– Jeff Foxworthy
My wife is so analytical with raising kids, and I am not. My feeling is if they turn out good, then that means I was a good daddy and put a lot of effort into it. If they turn out bad, it means they took after her side of the family.
– Jeff Foxworthy
My grandma's the most careful, safe driver in the world. You put her in a rental car, and she's doing doughnuts in the K-Mart parking lot!
– Jeff Foxworthy
My father-in-law gets up at 5 o'clock in the morning and watches the Discovery Channel. I don't know why there's this big rush to do this.
– Jeff Foxworthy
It's a weird sensation to be mad and learning at the same time.
– Jeff Foxworthy
If your neighbors think you're a detective because a cop always brings you home, you might be a redneck.
– Jeff Foxworthy
I've been to all 50 states, and traveled this whole country, and 90 percent of the people are good folks. The rest of them take after the other side of the family.
– Jeff Foxworthy
I say, If everybody in this house lives where it's God first, friends and family second and you third, we won't ever have an argument.
– Jeff Foxworthy
For the first time ever I was taking the family on the road. We stayed with my in-laws, which on life's list of experiences ranks right below sitting in a tub full of scissors.
– Jeff Foxworthy
Find something in life that you love doing. If you make a lot of money, that's a bonus, and if you don't, you still won't hate going to work.
– Jeff Foxworthy