Quotes by Mark Russell

Believe me when I say that Bill Clinton's second term will be good for business. My business.

I squirm when I see athletes praying before a game. Don't they realize that if God took sports seriously he never would have created George Steinbrenner.

If you call your opponent a politician, it's grounds for libel.

The Republicans have a new healthcare proposal: Just say NO to illness!

The scientific theory I like best is that the rings of Saturn are composed entirely of lost airline luggage.

Humor is very very risky, particularly for a candidate, unless he's been in so long that it just doesn't matter, and he's not running for president. But it's just that people are so sensitive and so touchy, and you're just going to upset somebody without ever realizing it.