Quotes by Mark Twain

Familiarity breeds contempt. How accurate that is. The reason we hold truth in such respect is because we have so little opportunity to get familiar with it.
– Mark Twain
From his cradle to his grave a man never does a single thing which has any first and foremost object but one - to secure peace of mind, spiritual comfort, for himself.
– Mark Twain
George Washington, as a boy, was ignorant of the commonest accomplishments of youth. He could not even lie.
– Mark Twain
Get your facts first, then you can distort them as you please.
– Mark Twain
Go to Heaven for the climate, Hell for the company.
– Mark Twain
Going to law is losing a cow for the sake of a cat.
– Mark Twain
Good friends, good books and a sleepy conscience: this is the ideal life.
– Mark Twain
Have a place for everything and keep the thing somewhere else; this is not advice, it is merely custom.
– Mark Twain
He is now rising from affluence to poverty.
– Mark Twain
He is useless on top of the ground; he ought to be under it, inspiring the cabbages.
– Mark Twain
Heaven is by favor; if it were by merit your dog would go in and you would stay out. Of all the creatures ever made man is the most detestable. Of the entire brood, he is the only one that possesses malice. He is the only creature that inflicts pain for sport, knowing it to be pain.
– Mark Twain
Humor is mankind's greatest blessing.
– Mark Twain
I am an old man and have known a great many troubles, but most of them never happened.
– Mark Twain
I am different from Washington. I have a higher, grander standard of principle. Washington could not lie. I can lie, but I won't.
– Mark Twain
I am not interested to know whether vivisection produces results that are profitable to the human race or doesn't... The pain which it inflicts upon unconsenting animals is the basis of my enmity toward it, and it is to me sufficient justification of the enmity without looking further.
– Mark Twain
I can live for two months on a good compliment.
– Mark Twain
I can teach anybody how to get what they want out of life. The problem is that I can't find anybody who can tell me what they want.
– Mark Twain
I didn't attend the funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying I approved of it.
– Mark Twain
I don't like to commit myself about heaven and hell - you see, I have friends in both places.
– Mark Twain
I have been complimented many times and they always embarrass me; I always feel that they have not said enough.
– Mark Twain