Quotes by Robert Orben

A graduation ceremony is an event where the commencement speaker tells thousands of students dressed in identical caps and gowns that 'individuality' is the key to success.
– Robert Orben
Do you ever get the feeling that the only reason we have elections is to find out if the polls were right?
– Robert Orben
Do your kids a favor - don't have any.
– Robert Orben
Don't think of it as failure. Think of it as time-released success.
– Robert Orben
Every morning I get up and look through the Forbes list of the richest people in America. If I'm not there, I go to work.
– Robert Orben
Every speaker has a mouth; An arrangement rather neat. Sometimes it's filled with wisdom. Sometimes it's filled with feet.
– Robert Orben
If you can laugh together, you can work together.
– Robert Orben
Illegal aliens have always been a problem in the United States. Ask any Indian.
– Robert Orben
Inflation is the crabgrass in your savings.
– Robert Orben
Life was a lot simpler when what we honored was father and mother rather than all major credit cards.
– Robert Orben
More than ever before, Americans are suffering from back problems, back taxes, back rent, back auto payments.
– Robert Orben
Older people shouldn't eat health food, they need all the preservatives they can get.
– Robert Orben
Time flies. It's up to you to be the navigator.
– Robert Orben
To err is human - and to blame it on a computer is even more so.
– Robert Orben
Washington is a place where politicians don't know which way is up and taxes don't know which way is down.
– Robert Orben
Never raise your hand to your children; it leaves your midsection unprotected.
– Robert Orben
Quit worrying about your health. It'll go away.
– Robert Orben
Sometimes I get the feeling the whole world is against me, but deep down I know that's not true. Some smaller countries are neutral.
– Robert Orben
Inflation is bringing us true democracy. For the first time in history, luxuries and necessities are selling at the same price.
– Robert Orben
In prehistoric times, mankind often had only two choices in crisis situations: fight or flee. In modern times, humor offers us a third alternative fight, flee - or laugh.
– Robert Orben