Experts say you should never hit your children in anger. When is a good time? When you're feeling festive?
– Roseanne Barr
I hate every human being on earth. I feel that everyone is beneath me, and I feel they should all worship me. That's what I told my kids. I think I must have been Adolf Hitler in a past life.
– Roseanne Barr
In Tulsa, restaurants have signs that say, Sorry, we're open.
– Roseanne Barr
My daughter made me a Jerry Springer-watching kit, with crackers, Cheez Whiz, polyester stretch pants and a T-shirt with two fat women fighting over a skinny guy.
– Roseanne Barr
My hope is that gays will be running the world, because then there would be no war. Just a greater emphasis on military apparel.
– Roseanne Barr
My husband and I didn't sign a pre-nuptial agreement. We signed a mutual suicide pact.
– Roseanne Barr
The quickest way to a man's heart is through his chest.
– Roseanne Barr
The thing women have yet to learn is nobody gives you power. You just take it.
– Roseanne Barr
There's a lot more to being a woman than being a mother, but there's a hell of a lot more to being a mother than most people suspect.
– Roseanne Barr
Women complain about PMS, but I think of it as the only time of the month when I can be myself.
– Roseanne Barr
Women should try to increase their size rather than decrease it, because I believe the bigger we are, the more space we'll take up, and the more we'll have to be reckoned with.
– Roseanne Barr
Take this marriage thing seriously - it has to last all the way to the divorce.
– Roseanne Barr
I know how to do anything, I'm a mom.
– Roseanne Barr
As a housewife, I feel that if the kids are still alive when my husband gets home from work, then hey, I've done my job.
– Roseanne Barr
A guy is a lump like a doughnut. So, first you gotta get rid of all the stuff his mom did to him. And then you gotta get rid of all that macho crap that they pick up from beer commercials. And then there's my personal favorite, the male ego.