Popular

Browse Popular Topics

Quotes by Spike Milligan

A sure cure for seasickness is to sit under a tree.
– Spike Milligan
All I ask is the chance to prove that money can't make me happy.
– Spike Milligan
And God said, 'Let there be light' and there was light, but the Electricity Board said He would have to wait until Thursday to be connected.
– Spike Milligan
Beauty is in the eye of the beholder, get it out with Optrex.
– Spike Milligan
Contraceptives should be used on every conceivable occasion.
– Spike Milligan
Hi vibrato sounded like he was driving a tractor over a ploughed field with weights tied to his scrotum.
– Spike Milligan
How long was I in the army? Five foot eleven.
– Spike Milligan
I can speak Esperanto like a native.
– Spike Milligan
I have the body of an eighteen year old. I keep it in the fridge.
– Spike Milligan
I shook hands with a friendly Arab. I still have my right arm to prove it.
– Spike Milligan
I spent many years laughing at Harry Secombe's singing until somebody told me that it wasn't a joke.
– Spike Milligan
I thought I'd begin by reading a poem by Shakespeare, but then I thought, why should I? He never reads any of mine.
– Spike Milligan
I'm a hero with coward's legs.
– Spike Milligan
In India a farmhand was caught in the act with his cow. He said he had bad eyesight and thought it was his wife.
– Spike Milligan
Is there anything worn under the kilt? No, it's all in perfect working order.
– Spike Milligan
It was a perfect marriage. She didn't want to and he couldn't.
– Spike Milligan
My Father had a profound influence on me, he was a lunatic.
– Spike Milligan
Money can't buy you happiness but it does bring you a more pleasant form of misery.
– Spike Milligan
Money can't buy friends, but it can get you a better class of enemy.
– Spike Milligan