Trying on pants is one of the most humiliating things a man can suffer that doesn't involve a woman.
– Larry David
You have to discover when you're inadequate to be funny and you don't know you're inadequate when you're a kid.
– Larry David
Women love a self-confident bald man.
– Larry David
When you're not concerned with succeeding, you can work with complete freedom.
– Larry David
Well, after the divorce, I went home and turned all the lights on!
– Larry David
There's also a certain rhythm to the way Jews talk that might be funny.
– Larry David
There are times when I'm driving home after a day's shooting, thinking to myself, That scene would've been so much better if I had written it out.
– Larry David
The only change I can really see is that I don't have to shop for pants in stores anymore.
– Larry David
The lunch in a normal American restaurant is very problematic for me. I don't like to have hot food for lunch.
– Larry David
The best situation is being a single parent. The best part about is that you get time off, too, because the kids are with their mom, so it's the best of both worlds. There's a lot to be said for it.
– Larry David
Sometimes I have these fantasies of just moving to a foreign country and coming back with a full head of hair. Or not even come back! Make a new life there with hair... Change my name, just see what happens.
– Larry David
Religion doesn't play any part in my life in terms of how I live my life. But I don't think I've ever gone through a day in my life without hearing someone say the word 'Jew' or saying it myself.
– Larry David
Once I know people know who I am, it gives me a lot of licence and freedom to behave in ways I wouldn't normally.
– Larry David
Obviously comedic styles do change.
– Larry David
It began to dawn on me that perhaps my country needed me more at home than overseas.
– Larry David
If you tell the truth about how you're feeling, it becomes funny.
– Larry David
I was planning on my future as a homeless person. I had a really good spot picked out.
– Larry David
I wanted to make a living, but I really was not interested in money at all. I was interested in being a great comedian.
– Larry David
I think we're all good and bad, but good's not funny. Bad is funny. Suppress the good and let the bad out, and then you can be funny.
– Larry David
I still think of that guy I was without a wife or kids, and I still want to entertain that guy. The lonely guy, the frustrated guy, the guy with no money - this is the guy who needs to laugh.
– Larry David
I gave a funny speech at my wife's birthday party, and I'm thinking, 'Hey, I've still got it.'
– Larry David
I couldn't be happier that President Bush has stood up for having served in the National Guard, because I can finally put an end to all those who questioned my motives for enlisting in the Army Reserve at the height of the Vietnam War.
– Larry David
Every relationship is just so tenuous and precarious.
– Larry David
Even back then, I exuded self-confidence, and that drives women crazy.