Quotes by Lily Tomlin

For fast-acting relief try slowing down.
– Lily Tomlin
Forgiveness means giving up all hope for a better past.
– Lily Tomlin
I always wanted to be somebody, but now I realize I should have been more specific.
– Lily Tomlin
I like a teacher who gives you something to take home to think about besides homework.
– Lily Tomlin
I personally think we developed language because of our deep need to complain.
– Lily Tomlin
I worry that the person who thought up Muzak may be thinking up something else.
– Lily Tomlin
If love is the answer, could you please rephrase the question?
– Lily Tomlin
If truth is beauty, how come no one has their hair done in the library?
– Lily Tomlin
If you read a lot of books you are considered well read. But if you watch a lot of TV, you're not considered well viewed.
– Lily Tomlin
Reality is the leading cause of stress among those in touch with it.
– Lily Tomlin
The best mind-altering drug is the truth.
– Lily Tomlin
The phone company handles 84 billion calls a year, everything from kings, queens, and presidents to the scum of the earth.
– Lily Tomlin
There's so much plastic in this culture that vinyl leopard skin is becoming an endangered synthetic.
– Lily Tomlin
Things are going to get a lot worse before they get worse.
– Lily Tomlin
We are all in this together, by ourselves.
– Lily Tomlin
We don't care. We don't have to. We're the phone company.
– Lily Tomlin
We're all in this alone.
– Lily Tomlin
Why is it that when we talk to God we're said to be praying, but when God talks to us we're schizophrenic?
– Lily Tomlin
Reality is a crutch for people who can't cope with drugs.
– Lily Tomlin
You know being relevant or coming up with something interesting, funny to say about what's current is just as hard as it might ever be depending on the serendipity of it all.
– Lily Tomlin
The trouble with the rat race is that even if you win, you're still a rat.
– Lily Tomlin
Sometimes I worry about being a success in a mediocre world.
– Lily Tomlin
Sometimes I feel like a figment of my own imagination.
– Lily Tomlin
Ninety eight percent of the adults in this country are decent, hardworking, honest Americans. It's the other lousy two percent that get all the publicity. But then, we elected them.
– Lily Tomlin
I guess if people couldn't profit from war I don't think there would be war.
– Lily Tomlin
Don't be afraid of missing opportunities. Behind every failure is an opportunity somebody wishes they had missed.
– Lily Tomlin
But there are too many people that make so much money at the cost of lives of other humans and for no reason but to make the money.
– Lily Tomlin