Hey, Dennis, this is Mike! Kick me, please! I'll settle for the price of a set of golf clubs.
– Mike Royko
I never went to a John Wayne movie to find a philosophy to live by or to absorb a profound message. I went for the simple pleasure of spending a couple of hours seeing the bad guys lose.
– Mike Royko
It's been my policy to view the Internet not as an 'information highway,' but as an electronic asylum filled with babbling loonies.
– Mike Royko
The subject of criminal rehabilitation was debated recently in City Hall. It's an appropriate place for this kind of discussion because the city has always employed so many ex-cons and future cons.
– Mike Royko
When I asked him how long he had been driving a taxi, he said, Dree mouse.
– Mike Royko
Whether one eats a cat or not is a personal choice, and I don't want to sway anyone one way or another. But if you do, there is one obvious cooking tip: Always remember to remove the bell from the cat's collar before cooking.
– Mike Royko
When Michael Jordan quit, I suddenly found myself without a sports hero.
– Mike Royko
There is only one way to solve the alleged crisis of the erosion of 'family values.' And that is to get right down to the root cause of the problem.