Quotes by Woody Allen

If only God would give me some clear sign! Like making a large deposit in my name in a Swiss bank.
– Woody Allen
Interestingly, according to modern astronomers, space is finite. This is a very comforting thought-- particularly for people who can never remember where they have left things.
– Woody Allen
Not only is there no God, but try getting a plumber on weekends.
– Woody Allen
On the plus side, death is one of the few things that can be done just as easily lying down.
– Woody Allen
The government is unresponsive to the needs of the little man. Under 5'7, it is impossible to get your congressman on the phone.
– Woody Allen
You can live to be a hundred if you give up all the things that make you want to live to be a hundred.
– Woody Allen
Right now it's only a notion, but I think I can get the money to make it into a concept, and later turn it into an idea.
– Woody Allen