Quotes by Ogden Nash

A husband is a guy who tells you when you've got on too much lipstick and helps you with your girdle when your hips stick.
– Ogden Nash
An occasional lucky guess as to what makes a wife tick is the best a man can hope for, Even then, no sooner has he learned how to cope with the tick than she tocks.
– Ogden Nash
Basketball, a game which won't be fit for people until they set the basket umbilicus-high and return the giraffes to the zoo.
– Ogden Nash
Candy is dandy but liquor is quicker.
– Ogden Nash
Children aren't happy with nothing to ignore, and that's what parents were created for.
– Ogden Nash
Commitments the voters don't know about can't hurt you.
– Ogden Nash
Door: What a dog is perpetually on the wrong side of.
– Ogden Nash
Happiness is having a scratch for every itch.
– Ogden Nash
Here is a pen and here is a pencil, here's a typewriter, here's a stencil, here's a list of today's appointments, and all the flies in all the ointments, the daily woes that a man endures - take them, George, they're yours!
– Ogden Nash
I don't mind their having a lot of money, and I don't care how they employ it, but I do think that they damn well ought to admit they enjoy it.
– Ogden Nash
I think remorse ought to stop biting the consciences that feed it.
– Ogden Nash
I would live all my life in nonchalance and insouciance, Were it not for making a living, which is rather a nouciance.
– Ogden Nash
Indoors or out, no one relaxes in March, that month of wind and taxes, the wind will presently disappear, the taxes last us all the year.
– Ogden Nash
Marriage is the alliance of two people, one of whom never remembers birthdays and the other who never forgets them.
– Ogden Nash
No matter how deep and dark your pit, how dank your shroud, their heads are heroically unbloody and unbowed.
– Ogden Nash
Oh, what a tangled web do parents weave when they think that their children are naive.
– Ogden Nash
One man's remorse is another man's reminiscence.
– Ogden Nash
Professional men, they have no cares; whatever happens, they get theirs.
– Ogden Nash
Progress might have been alright once, but it has gone on too long.
– Ogden Nash
Remorse is a violent dyspepsia of the mind.
– Ogden Nash