Funny Quotes

The funny thing is the songs that people think are about me probably aren't. And the songs that are probably are the ones they wouldn't think... so that's where it kind of is funny.
– Leann Rimes
The funny thing is, Dennis Miller got me back into comedy.
– Tommy Chong
The funny thing is I'm not bothered or sad about being on my own - after all I've never had a husband.
– Francesca Annis
The funny thing is people won't let me pay for things. I'll be in a restaurant and the manager will say, 'Oh no, it's on the house.'
– Richard Branson
The funny thing about me that most people never really understand is that, at heart, I'm really a jock.
– Billy Corgan
The fans of 'The Hunger Games,' of the book, are very passionate. It's funny: Even at my concerts there are people holding up 'Cinna' signs.
– Lenny Kravitz
The fact that the Kardashians could be more popular than a show like 'Mad Men' is disgusting. It's a super disgusting part of our culture, but I still find it funny to make a joke about it.
– Jonah Hill
The digital camera is a great invention because it allows us to reminisce. Instantly.
– Demetri Martin
The comedians I liked were Bill Cosby and Steven Wright, like just always as a comedic actor. I always liked Gary Larson, who's really funny for a cartoonist, obviously.
– Demetri Martin
The audience changes every night. You're the same person. You have to speak your mind and do the stuff that you think is funny and makes you laugh.
– Joe Rogan
The American audience has really opened up to women being A.) funny and B.) kinda crude. 'Bridesmaids' is R-rated, and I think it was a major coup for women to have an R-rated comedy that did really well. Same as 'Bad Teacher.'
– Chris Pratt
That's why I like to get out there, and get people to see the other side of Mitt, and know us in a different reflection when you see the family and how funny he is with the boys and with the grandkids. And you know, just what a super guy he is. That's part of what I am doing, is letting people see the other side of Mitt.
– Ann Romney
That's what I hate about a lot of comedies, when you're hitting a line or making it funny.
– Jennifer Aniston
That's my only goal. Surround myself with funny people, and make sure everyone has a good time and works hard.
– Joe Rogan
That's a funny thing, fame. People definitely do treat you differently. When you begin to be successful, people say, 'Don't go changing.' Well, that's easy to say, but the fact is, you don't change at all - other people do.
– Jonathan Rhys Meyers
Strange questions are the more interesting ones. Children by and large don't try to trip you up... they want to find out how you do this funny thing that you do... if they've loved a story they love to know how it started.
– Michael Morpurgo
Straight men just can't imagine the bliss of being in a relationship with someone who finds farting as funny as they do.
– Graham Norton
Stealing, you'll go far in life. Actually, there is something funny about getting away with it.
– Mike Judge
Stand up is really fun because if I think of a joke or a funny idea, then I can just go and tell some people and if they laugh, they laugh right away.
– Demetri Martin
Sometimes, comics will make the observation that it's not jokes that are funny, it's characters that are funny. And isn't that true! That's why I always kill jokes. I'm terrible at them, because I get the joke right, but I can't get the character right, and it just goes down like a lead balloon.
– David Mitchell
Sometimes you have to take the focus off of you and put it on someone else and it's funny what you can accomplish and how much strength you really have.
– Hoda Kotb
Sometimes we have to actually say, I think you're really funny, but none of your jokes are going to make it on the air. So just answer my questions. Seriously.
– Rob Corddry
Sometimes people get mad at The Simpsons' subversive story telling, but there's another message in there, which is a celebration of making wild, funny stories.
– Matt Groening
Sometimes laughing isn't the best judge of what's funny, 'cause I think there's a lot of things that are really funny that don't make you laugh, that don't make you physically, audibly make a noise, but is something that is much more powerful than that.
– Tim Heidecker
Sometimes in the most tragic situation, something just profoundly funny happens.
– David Hyde Pierce
Sometimes I think what I write is funny in its quiet way.
– Doris Lessing
Sometimes I feel like there are people just waiting for me to fall. The funny thing is, I can't give them anything. I have just never been a partier, even in school.
– Jordin Sparks
Sometimes I am so dry that people don't know I'm kidding and think I'm being serious. I enjoy this because their reactions are often funny.
– Robert Crais
Something about New York, man: You can do more comedy there probably than you can anywhere in the world. If you're interested in being funny, New York is the place to go.
– Dave Chappelle
Someone told me that when they go to Vermont, they feel like they're home. I'm that way at Saks.
– Caroline Rhea
Some people say funny things, but I say things funny.
– Don Rickles
Some people can do things and get away with it. Comics are famously like that. Why is it that some guys can say the most horrible things and it's not offensive, it's funny?
– Christopher Walken
Some of the writers I admire who seem very, very funny and very emotional to me can develop a closeness with the reader without giving too much of themselves away. Lorrie Moore comes to mind, as does David Sedaris. When they write, the reader thinks that they're being trusted as a friend.
– Sloane Crosley
So what I do now is to pre-empt that by making the up into a virtue, and telling funny stories about how crap I am before people have a chance to notice it for themselves and think maybe I haven't realised.
– Emily Mortimer
So that's why one of my rules of parody writing is that it's gotta be funny regardless of whether you know the source material. It has to work on its own merit.
– Al Yankovic
So often, I read scripts and am like, 'This would never happen in real life. It's not trying to be funny. It's trying to be serious.'
– Shailene Woodley
So it was just funny to read a script that was just similar to what had been going on in my life.
– Piper Perabo
Smoking kills. If you're killed, you've lost a very important part of your life.
– Brooke Shields
See, I don't really go after girls. Most of the girlfriends I've had have come after me. So it's really funny when girls get offended because I don't hit on them.
– Kellan Lutz
Scream was great for what it was. For a horror film, it was intelligent, it was funny, it took a laugh at itself.
– Neve Campbell
Rice is great if you're really hungry and want to eat two thousand of something.
– Mitch Hedberg
Queer Eye for the Straight Guy is a form of service journalism. To be successful, I think it has to be a combination of a good story, it has to be funny, and it also needs to be packed with useful information.
– Ted Allen
Plus, I love comic writing. Nothing satisfies me more than finding a funny way to phrase something.
– Michael Pollan
People used to be funny about approaching me, but now they seem to think I'm as sane as anyone who's done what I've done in movies can be.
– Philip Seymour Hoffman
People say funny things all the time during really serious moments in life.
– Mark Ruffalo
People often ask me how I make things funny. I don't make things funny.
– Richard Russo
People never ask people doing serious music, 'Do you ever think about doing funny music?'
– Al Yankovic
People forget how outcast 'They Might Be Giants' can be. They have a reputation for writing really deft, funny, clever melodies, and they also make a lot of music for kids, which is terrific, but when you see them in concert, they can rock the house.
– John Hodgman
People don't want to listen to a celebrity tweeting about their charities and shows. That's why comedy writers do well - we put out little funny ideas.
– Mindy Kaling
People don't realize that I'm really funny and I'm an excellent bridge player.
– Sheryl Crow
People ask 'do you make a conscious effort not to swear?' - if you're doing silly stuff you're not tempted to put swearing in. All the comics from my childhood, who were funny without swearing, were the people that influenced me. What I do is quite traditional anyway.
– Tim Vine
People are funny, and in the most tragic situations, when comedy erupts from nowhere, it can turn on its head within the space of a second or a minute. You're laughing one minute and you're crying the next and that's just life for me, and that is what people are like.
– Sally Hawkins
Parrots make great pets. They have more personality than goldfish.
– Chevy Chase
Our records, if you have a dark sense of humor, were funny, but our records weren't about comedy. They were about protests, fantasy, confrontation and all that.
– Ice Cube
Our national flower is the concrete cloverleaf.
– Lewis Mumford
Only bad golfers are lucky. They're the ones bouncing balls off trees, curbs, turtles and cars. Good golfers have bad luck. When you hit the ball straight, a funny bounce is bound to be unlucky.
– Lee Trevino
One time I went into a restroom and a girl followed me in. I signed an autograph for her in the sink. It was pretty funny because she was in a guy's restroom and she wasn't embarrassed at all.
– Zac Efron
One picture is worth 1,000 denials.
– Ronald Reagan
One of the things I like about acting is that, in a funny way, I come back to myself.
– Bill Murray
One man's folly is another man's wife.
– Helen Rowland
One lion thinks it's just hilarious to tackle us. He's very funny about it... and we always know when it will happen.
– Tippi Hedren
One can always come up with funny lists and jokes. You know what? I take it back. Not everyone can always come up with funny lists and some jokes. I'm very lucky to have a gift where I can do that pretty ably.
– John Hodgman
On the stage you're there, it's live. There's a beginning, a middle, an end. When something is funny you hear it right away.
– Theodore Bikel
Oh all the time when Victoria Wood and I did our series. There were people asking 'Can women be funny?' People still ask that. It's like asking: 'Can women breathe in and out?'
– Julie Walters
Now that I'm more mature, in a funny way, I can even appreciate that I've bad to become more aware of my body. Since I've chosen acting as my career, I have to keep my weight down anyway-I've been used to it for years, so it's no problem. And there's nothing I can't do.
– Dana Hill
Nothing's funny about someone who's successful.
– Drew Carey
Nobody ever went broke underestimating the taste of the American public.
– H. L. Mencken
No, writing musicals is the hardest thing in the world. And it was really funny, because I remember when the South Park movie came out, there were some critics that said, 'Well it's obvious that in order to get it to be 90 minutes they filled some time with music.'
– Trey Parker
No one ever thought Clint Eastwood was funny, but he was.
– Annie Leibovitz
No matter how popular you are as a stand-up - you can go out and fill a 10,000-seat arena and be smart and funny - it's delicate to host an awards show and know where your place is and know that it's not about you, that it's about the people who are nominated, and respect that, but at the same time have your moment to show them who you are.
– Ellen DeGeneres
Ninety-eight per cent of laughter is nothing to do with jokes, which do not deserve to bear the weight of all the funny stuff in the world.
– Arthur Smith
Never put a sock in a toaster.
– Eddie Izzard
Never fight an inanimate object.
– P. J. O'Rourke
My uncle Sammy was an angry man. He had printed on his tombstone: What are you looking at?
– Margaret Smith Court
My theory is that all of Scottish cuisine is based on a dare.
– Mike Myers
My parents, grandparents, aunts and uncles were all funny, and I felt that energy, that delivery, that timing, that sarcasm. All that stuff seeped into my brain.
– Jeff Ross
My parents are very funny when they have to deal with anything racy or off-color. They usually pretend they don't speak English.
– Margaret Cho
My parents are both very funny but they're also relatively soft-spoken, normal human beings while I'm just a lunatic. I don't know where this loud, ballsy, hammy ridiculousness came from. I'm just glad I followed my goals and my parents did too. It's not like we even had a plan when I dragged my mom to Los Angeles.
– Emma Stone
My mother was a terrific force in my life. Wartime-generation woman, hadn't gone to university but should have done. Was very funny, very verbal, very clever, very witty.
– Ian Hislop
My main point is to be funny if I can slip a message in there, fine.
– Flip Wilson
My little dog, he did not get ill. It is so funny that people get ill on a boat and dogs do not.
– Anna Held
My life needs editing.
– Mort Sahl
My job is mostly to entertain and be funny.
– Rosie O'Donnell
My hair has never been my greatest feature, so that was funny enough unto itself that my hair became so focused on.
– Jennifer Aniston
My grandchildren are fabulous and funny.
– Erica Jong
My father was always a straight-up funny guy. He was silly. He was my inspiration.
– Mike Myers
My fake plants died because I did not pretend to water them.
– Mitch Hedberg
My definition of an intellectual is someone who can listen to the William Tell Overture without thinking of the Lone Ranger.
– Billy Connolly
Music is more difficult - try naming a political band. The Dead Kennedys. The Dead Kennedys are political, but they are more funny than they are political.
– Thom Yorke
Movies don't look hard, but figuring it out, getting the shape of it, getting everybody's character right and having it be funny, make sense and be romantic, it's creating a puzzle. Yes, having been a writer for so long, I have an awareness of when things are going awry, but it doesn't mean I know how to fix them.
– Nancy Meyers
Most of the gaffes I've made have not been funny - they've been stupid.
– Jim Lehrer
Most of my ideas just come out funny.
– Tim Heidecker
Most comedy is based on getting a laugh at somebody else's expense. And I find that that's just a form of bullying in a major way. So I want to be an example that you can be funny and be kind, and make people laugh without hurting somebody else's feelings.
– Ellen DeGeneres
Mmmm... the comedy that matters is the comedy you pull out of thin air. It's a bit like when something funny has happened and you try to explain it to someone else and end up saying, 'You had to be there.'
– Jack Dee
Men don't care what's on TV. They only care what else is on TV.
– Jerry Seinfeld
Memory is funny. Once you hit a vein the problem is not how to remember but how to control the flow.
– Tobias Wolff
Memories are doing funny things to us.
– Milos Forman
Maybe I'm delusional but I'm usually funny. It's not 100% but I have a pretty good batting average.
– Adam Carolla
Marie Antoinette was funny, I'm sure she was just misinterpreted. You know the 'Let them eat cake' line. She seems like she was kind of funny, like a Chelsea Handler or Kathy Griffin type.
– Colin Quinn
Mail your packages early so the post office can lose them in time for Christmas.
– Johnny Carson